The Emerging New (Old) World Order

Not good times for Russia. All indications are that the Russian economy is in a tailspin; the value of the Ruble is plummeting, and Western economic sanctions levied after the Crimea takeover last year are taking a serious toll. In the midst of such gloom, Vladimir Putin comes out with a year end three-hour long marathon press conference that has left many analysts baffled. Evoking the proud image of the 'Russian bear', he gave reassurances that the country will return to its former glory, while resisting efforts from Western imperialists to de-fang the country of its teeth and claws (nuclear weapons) and ravage its natural resources.

The image of the bear is clearly intended to stroke nationalistic sentiments, which have seen a resurgence during Putin's decade-plus stay in power. Fierce, strong and independent, the Russian bear is not a hollow symbol for millions of citizens but is representative of a form of collective power through the ages. In the modern world, where borders seemed to have become meaningless in the face of international capital and globalised media and fashion, political nationalism is often presented as a receding force. But evidently, the idea of the 'nation' has staying power beyond demagogic appeals. Depending on the country and region, nationalism has surreptitiously crept into the group psyche of entire populations. It seems helpful to explore a bit into this phenomenon and whether we are potentially headed into a post-nationalist world.

Nationalism: A bit of a Primer

Most of us have no inkling of any sort of political order outside our current arena of nation-states, almost having accepted that some rudimentary form of this contemporary setup has existed throughout human existence. It hasn't, and the change brought about by the birth of nationalism is one of the most profound in recorded history.

According to the eminent historian, Liah Greenfeld, the first modern concept of a 'nation' emerged in England in the 15th century, initiated by the Tudors. The central thrust behind nationalism is that political sovereignty, the legitimacy behind the right to govern and the ownership of a territory, resides in the 'nation', the collective population, not a Divine Source. A nation, unlike other terms used to describe a people, such as ethnicity or race, is inherently a political term. What defines what exactly constitutes a nation is something that has been debated for ages, and is usually classified along linguistic, cultural and historical lines.

In 1648, the Treaty of Westphalia in Europe established definite political dominions recognizing sovereignty within the separate states under ostensibly secular monarchs, not in any religious authority. This was a revolution that dissolved the previous domain of Christendom, when the Church wielded effective control, recognizing only Divine Sovereignty with monarchs acting as mere vassals. As the centuries passed, monarchs and parliaments in the West and appeared not as viceroys for the Lord but representative of the collective will of the 'nation'. This loss of political authority by the religious establishment marked the true origin of secularism and the Modern West. With the passage of time, nationalistic symbols and anthems assumed the aura of religious fervor, only the devotees worshiped now at the altar of a secular geographic god.

A World in Flux

Following independence from colonial rule, the quest for statehood has seen the development of nearly 200 countries across the globe, with more perhaps on the horizon. Nationalism experienced a major boom for much of the 20th century and remained almost to an uncontested degree the definite political order of the human race. Contrary to analysts now who like to view events across entire continents as monolithic happenings, various trends are simultaneously taking place that pose interesting questions for whether this is likely to continue across the 21st century.

The first trend is scaling up. The idea is that the nation-state model is becoming obsolete, and politics should be handled on a larger geographic scale. The European Union has provided the blueprint for such larger regional frameworks. Smaller national affairs have become less meaningful with the temptation of a common economic market, porous borders and shared governance over an entire region. Regionalism is a push to de-emphasize the traditional nation-state model for a larger international groupings. ASEAN, which will form its Common Market this year, and the new Eurasian Economic Union (EEU) appear to be attempts to follow the EU's footsteps.

Another trends is breakdown. Nation-states, particularly post-colonial ones that were fashioned in haste and contrivance, suddenly lose their viability with sufficient internal and external pressure. A 'loss of faith' occurs. In many cases, civil war leads to the state breaking away along to original tribal, religious and ethnic lines, something demonstrated with the sad situation in Syria and Iraq and the rise of ISIS. But Western nations are not exempt. Viewed through a different lens, the recent referendum in Scotland and the possible one in Catalonia can be seen as efforts for a local territory to divest itself a larger federation, in those cases the United Kingdom and Spain. Localism takes precedence over the claims of statehood, even if they extend a few centuries.

Lastly, what we see in Russia is a template being carried in several Asian and Eurasian democracies at the moment: what US political pundit Pat Buchanan calls 'Putinism'. In a departure from traditional liberal democracy, Putinism leans towards autocratic leaders, managed media and a blend of religion and social conservatism all packaged neatly together by economic development. It is something being witnessed in India with Narendra Modi and Turkey with Tayyip Erdogan. Secular modes of nationalism are transformed into a more ethnic, religious variety.

Unlike the claims of those who believe that we are at the precipice of a One-World Government, shifts in the geopolitical tectonic plates suggest that if that is indeed the future, it certainly won't be a straight line. What is clear is that the chest-beating confidence that the West had in the success of its liberal democratic structure is no longer there, and the rest of the World is no longer waiting for cues.

When Will the Shock End?

This has been a particularly depressing past couple of weeks as far as international affairs is concerned, again focused on Muslims. First, we had the long-awaited released of the US Senate report on CIA torture of detainees, which while unsurprising in its content (most of which has been leaked for some time now) makes for grisly reading. That was followed by the Sydney cafe siege and the exaggerated media response to a seemingly lone deranged nutcase. If his intention was to score some quick media fame, then mission accomplished. All this of course happened midst the backdrop of the continuing battle between ISIS and a host of international forces with competing agendas in Syria and Iraq (of which China of all countries may soon be a part). The above for most conscientious souls would be the media equivalent of sensory overload, numbing well-worn instincts for shock value, dulling our feeling of impact. Yet, as if that wasn't enough, we are confronted with the horrific news of a massacre of schoolchildren by militant thugs in Peshawar, and somehow even in this deafening chamber of our world of chaos, this one leaves us stunned.

The cold blooded killing of children, and particularly children, and in such a deliberative fashion, is beyond the pale. It leaves one speechless, empty, grasping for words that will attempt to but cannot adequately capture the gravity of what has occurred. One naturally questions the humanity of the perpetrators, but I find myself questioning humanity itself. Perhaps if I were not a Muslim, believing in Divine Purpose and Order, I would cynically conclude that humanity is a failed experiment of Nature, our intelligence being a genetic mutation liability, adduced from the fact that that we have such capacity for self-destruction.

The actions of the TTP (Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan) who claimed responsibility for the attack, were clearly intended to demoralise the Army which has been carrying out military operations in the Tribal Areas of Pakistan since July. Yet they have come across as desperate and deranged. A rallying effect has been created in Pakistan to unite those disparate forces in opposition, for the time being. Public sentiment is unanimously angry. Even other militant groups has disowned this attack, so heinous it was. The big question is what will happen now. Will a new strategy be crafted? And can, for once, an inquiry be properly done into the security failures that led to this tragedy?

Our prayers go to the families who lost their loved ones. Their grief must be unimaginable. The hope, naive though it may be, is that this incident is a tipping point to allow measures to bring to an end years of conflict insha Allah, rather than a harbinger of further bloodshed.

Why Malcolm Still Matters

In the days of the Greek yore, 'hero cults' were a common thing. The hero represented a larger than life figure capable of feats beyond the scope of the average man. Yet he (or occasionally she) would almost always be someone not among the living. The passing away would only enhance whatever fame he or she gained during a lifetime, and lacquer their deeds in a varnish of gold.  They would transcend to a status above mere mortals but lower perhaps than the gods. In their death, they somehow had the ability, it was believed, to provide strength and succor to those left behind.

Malcolm X is a modern day hero. He exemplified those qualities of valor, selflessness and forthrightness that typified the archetypal heroes of the classical era. Malcolm came at a time in the history of the United States when the African-American was beginning to question their notion of self-worth that had been imposed by a vicious system of White Privilege. Not only did he shatter that idea in his most articulate and inimitable manner, but he could speak truths to the face of the oppressor that nobody else had the courage to. And, at a young age of 39, he paid for his mission with his life. In a world today lacking in inspiration and lagging in spirit, we need figures like Malcolm who can galvanize us to heed the call of the day. 

Yet nowadays, Malcolm X has been reduced to a visual icon, a trendy symbol of counterculture thinking ala Che Guevara. Sporting a Malcolm X image on a T-shirt somehow reveals one to be a contrarian with a touch of rebel thinking. Much less time is spent listening to his penetrating speeches when he dissected the problems of a racist system of bondage, except for soundbites snippets here and there. Even lesser time is spent reading of his life and personal journey. In an ideal world, The Autobiography of Malcolm X would have been required reading in every classroom. 

Unsurprisingly, Malcolm X posthumously was taken up by socialists and civil rights activists, though certainly not to the extent that it was for Dr. Martin Luther King, who had a much 'safer' message of non-violent cooperation rather than self-empowerment. What is curious is that Muslims haven't gone to the same extent to embrace Malcolm X as a uniquely heroic figure and a source of motivation. So much potential lays dormant in the exploration of his journey from Malcolm Little, the hoodlum; to Malcolm X, spokesperson for the Nation of Islam; and finally Al Hajj Malik El Shabazz. We can learn much on the realised possibilities of spiritually driven self-transformation. 

If there was a central message of Malcolm that continues to remain relevant until today, I feel it is the theme of emancipation. In his day, when the vestiges of Jim Crow were still visible to the naked eye, emancipation took a more literal meaning. In our time, we have deluded ourselves into thinking that freedom has been achieved in an information age. We need to recognize that access to information has not emancipated us, its only made us more acutely aware of the level of slavery we suffer from, in larger systems beyond our control. 

It is precisely on this theme of emancipation that the UNRIBA campaign will be organising an event to introduce Malcolm X, both as a historical figure and a motivational one, to the local Malaysian scene. It is our hope that a spark can be generated, in particular in the younger audience, to research more about this special individual and take his example. The event is scheduled for 10 January 2015 and more information can be found at https://www.facebook.com/unriba

For a parting note, I will leave you with a lesser-known clip of Malcolm X from his days in the Nation of Islam, when he rebuffs efforts by the FBI to sell his soul. It is what integrity is all about.

The 'Cold Shower' Approach to Life

Those frequent international travellers can relate to the following experience. Upon checking into a hotel, it's always a splendid feeling to refresh oneself with a shower and shed some of the weariness of jet lag from one's bones. Acquainting oneself with the hotel shower is usually the first step, and may not be as easy as it seems. The fancier or more modern the hotel, the more complicated the shower taps tends to be, often needlessly so. Some of them, particularly the mixer taps, resemble something from a 19th century locomotive engineering room, with several valves and faucets to add to the confusion. Running short of patience, you tentatively pull at a lever, thinking your effort to to get the right temperature to be ever so slight, only to unexpectedly be blasted with jets of ice cold water.  You yelp, grope around in shock, and if lucky find the presence of mind to close the tap, else you just step out of the shower in a hurry. You are left in a state that can be described as bemused and jarred. Yet, there may be something in this experience you just had that can do you a world of good.

The long, hot shower that we all know and love is a distinctly modern pleasure. As soon as the water stream hits a mildly comfortable warm temperature, time seems to melt away and we can forget about life's troubles as the stream rises. Like a sly addiction, we hesitate to shut off the valve, silently coaxing ourselves to give a few more minutes of leisure. The goal of cleanliness becomes a mere cover for a prolonged period of relaxation. Our muscles de-stress, Oxytocin goes up, anxiety goes down.

While there's nothing inherently wrong with a hot shower itself, the manner in which we do so is in many ways symptomatic of larger issues with our sedentary urban lifestyle. The first problem of course is that of excess. Yes, water wastage is an issue (around 2.5 gallons are lost in an average shower) and plenty of the thermal energy literally goes down the drain. How much water is used up just to wait until the warmth level is sufficient? If you go according to the Sunnah, or just common sense, the process of cleaning shouldn't be so resource and time consuming. But there is a more subtle concern to our attachment with hot showers: the need for comfort.


It's not that we crave comfort. It's that comfort has become our unwritten purpose of existence. For our ancestors, the need for self-preservation was a dominant concern. Tough environment, food scarcity, hostile enemies, all these things meant that security couldn't be taken for granted. This is still the state for much of humanity today, but for the sheltered urbanites among us, these factors have pretty much been taken out of the equation. We are free to indulge in making our day-to-day tasks simpler and convenient, to the point that a life of convenience is viewed as a life of comfort. And comfort is somehow construed as happiness. It's hard to think of a point in the historical process when this became a norm. When the 19th century British philosopher Jeremy Bentham famously articulated the utilitarian principle of seeking 'the maximum happiness for the maximum amount of people', he defined happiness as 'pleasure' over 'pain'. Perhaps this may have been a starting point.

To take a somewhat contrarian view, I feel that comfort should also be something imbibed in moderation. Too much comfort can be a strange intoxicant, desensitizing us to some of life's underlying struggles. Comfort can bring relief, yes, but how much have we lost by fearing to leave the confines of our comfy little cottage? Comfort doesn't prepare us for the arrows of misfortune when they hit their mark. But to say that perhaps life was not meant to be comfortable sounds like sacrilege to a modern.

That's why we need the cold shower, both literally and figuratively. We need these occasional jolts of strategic discomfort periodically inserted in our lives, to sensitize us, toughen us, inspire us. For each person, their own 'cold shower' can be something different, from walking barefoot occasionally to eating food once in a while that we find to be unpalatable in its blandness or spiciness. If we understand that too much comfort itself can be a hindrance to our own self-actualization, we can start on a path of true personal reform. Once we find ourselves inoculated to a certain form of discomfort, we should seek something new.

To be sure, I'm not saying that taking frequent frigid showers automatically makes one a hardened warrior, or that anyone who takes a hot showers is by default namby pamby. There are at best some unreliable indicators of larger social inclinations in society. Based on trends we can see manifested nowadays, the securing of comfort as a primary social aim seems to be giving way though to the management of risk, which sociologists now call the risk society, as the faith in the project of modernity slowly fades. But then, that's a study for another day.

For the record, I am a fan of cold showers, not in least for their numerous health benefits, especially in a hot climate. The cold shock effect in particular is a great way to boost circulation and up your heart rate. For those who simply don't like any temperature that approaches mildly cold, be warned, even after months of trying cold showers, there's a good chance you may not find it any more pleasant than when you started. But then, that's the beauty of it.

Looking for Contrast

I had the pleasure recently to pay a trip to the lovely country of Turkey, a country that finds itself at a central point intersecting between Europe, Asia and the Middle East. Stunning topography and fascinating historical heritage aside, what continually piqued my interest through my week-long stay was the sense that the Turkish culture I witnessed was essentially a fusion of many European and Central Asian elements culminating over centuries. Many cities you could see the leaning more towards one continental expression than the other. The grand city of Istanbul was described by our tour agency as "the meeting point of the two continents", as the two halves are split only by the Bosphorus. The cosmopolitan and frenetic European section stands in marked difference to the ambiance and history of the Asian side. It was this level of contrast within the confines of a single city that sets Istanbul apart from any other major global metropolis, and gave me a bit of inspiration to explore the concept of contrast further.

Contrast refers to a difference in juxtaposition of something with something else. It is more commonly thought of as a visual phenomenon. When one objects displays a luminance or color lacking in the other, the concept of contrast is evident. But contrast that we witness in our surroundings hold meanings that call for a degree of contemplation. It we look further, we can realize that contrast is something that speaks deeply to our psychological buildup, how our brain operates. If we accept that humans are beings created with a gift of observation, then contrast plays a vital function.

There are aspects to contrast that are inimitable to human perception. The Contrast Effect, for example. The easiest physical demonstration of this phenomenon is to notice the response of putting one hand in cold water and the other in hot water, and then to simultaneously put them both in water of room temperature. We'll receive two different sets of sensory input telling us what temperature the new water should be. This effect extends on the sociological level as well. How we judge other human beings is dependent to a large extent by measuring based on societal and group expectations before they're seen as good/bad, rich/poor, tall/short, etc. We need to contrast any object or person with its broader place in the environment to define its meaning. We constantly search for contrast to understand our surroundings.

I was recently taught about the principles of permaculture, a methodology meant for creating ecological designs that are truly sustainable and resource independent. I particularly struck by the concept of edges, the meeting or overlapping point between two different ecosystems, such as land/water or forest/desert. The edge effect is unexpected in that it tends to produce an increase in diversity and productivity, more energy, wildlife and plant life. My own meandering mind suggests that it touches on a more universal theme of contrast, and the collision point between two highly contrasting elements, or maybe the point of maximum contrast, creates a zone of intensity. Think of the splash of colors in the sky during sunset, when the day and the night meet in head-on collision.

The theme of contrast also abounds in the Holy Quran. Repeatedly, Allah (sbt) compares fundamental elements found in the observable Universe. Among many sacred dualities mentioned are the Sun and the Moon, man and woman, human and jinn, Sammawat (Sky) and Ardh (Earth), etc. "And all things We have created by pairs, that haply ye may reflect." (51:49) There is a mesmerizing attraction to such dualities when you think about it. Think of the finest natural scenery that you have witnessed in your life, and inevitably the contrast of color and topography defined the sense of wonder. Each quality of a created object or being is highlighted and reified through reflection with another counterpart. And the more fundamental and contrasting the nature of the archetype, the deeper the impression it leaves on us.

Beyond the sheer beauty, contrast in the Sacred Text becomes a tool of instruction. This is especially clear in the famous verse: "O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another." (49:13) The marked differences between people serves to educate them as to their own nature and that of the other. The differences are given a Divine Sanction. It also necessitates that cultures and ethnicities interact through channels of trade and diplomacy. Through contrast can come knowledge and mutual benefit.

We live in an age where there is almost a conscious effort by those on top to remove contrast in terms of culture and lifestyle in place of a standardized national or global identity. Some Western countries over the decades have realized the excesses in this approach, and replaced it with a kosher liberal democratic vision of multiculturalism. This much-touted multiculturalism, while certainly having many advantages, hasn't succeeded in any true 'celebration of diversity' though but has become more of a cultural leveling device in the West. Rather than allowing each cultural voice to have its own authentic expression, it often ends up in risk management mode and seeking to avoid potential hotspots of cultural contrast.

The whole topic of contrast may seem like a mindless digression, but one of the purposes of this blog is to highlight topics given scant attention. Its worthwhile at times to stop the racehorse of modern life and think about the big things that stare us in the face while we close out eyes. Our existence is one defined largely by contrast, none moreso than that between Creator and creation. My advice for those readers who have an inkling of what I'm trying to say is to go outside and take the time to marvel at the gifts offered to us everyday by our sense of contrast.

Beware the Facebook Activist

It's been a few weeks since Israel's deadly bombardment of Gaza. Similar to the last few cycles of devastation, there is plenty of talk about lifting certain parts of the blockade, bringing in a slew of international aid donors to come and do some face-lifting to parts of the Strip. The old chorus is playing again, circa 2008 and 2012, talks of political unity between Palestinian factions, bringing Israel to the Hague, and some Gulf state cash for rebuilding Gaza neighbourhood by neighbourhood. We've heard it all before, and it all seems a precursor for another round of savage assault by Israel to level Gaza back to the ground, God forbid. Don't get me wrong though, the scale of the destruction this time has been unprecedented, look at the video below to get an idea:

US Secretary of State John Kerry is also going through the motions. At a recent Gaza Donors Conference, he had the temerity to praise the enabler President Sisi of Egypt, and describe the conditions in Gaza as 'difficult'. Conveniently left out of his speech is why Gaza needs to be rebuilt in the first place, as if the entire area was hit by a meteorite from outer space.

Another disturbing aspect of this whole scenario is the rather muted response of the online community, particular the Muslim community, now that the bombs have stopped dropping. Its fairly predictable but disappointing nonetheless. In the midst of the massacre, all you could see posted by the army of Facebook warriors was pictures of Israeli barbarism and dead Palestinians, along with pledges to boycott this brand or that as a way to cause a financial pinch to the oppressor. Now that the rockets and gunfire have temporarily abated, its back to selfie mode or the occasional post about ISIS or Ebola. The seeming strong sense of solidarity for the Palestinian cause has lost much of its sting, at a time when sustained engagement can actually make more of a difference.

It is a natural reaction to feel a sense of empathy and outrage when we see a people besieged. If we didn't feel that, we could have justification to question our humanity. But beyond the necessary prayers and pain, we need to train ourselves to think beyond the online medium.

This problem cuts to a larger topic beyond just Israel-Palestine. The delivery of the modern mass media is geared for the scatterbrain whose attention span lasts only as long as the news stays on the headlines. It tends to arouse our emotions when it needs to, and drop us back to complacency when it needs to. As if by remote control, Muslims especially seem so easily manipulable and taken for a ride when the situation serves it. We need to move beyond this and channel our passions to effective action. Otherwise, we risk being a dilettante.

The vast majority of online commentators are not by by any stretch activists or committed to a cause. Their commentary is more informed by opposition to something rather than true support of a higher goal. But for a small minority, their commitment to a cause is genuine, and they are able to sustain the momentum in keeping informed. To this few, it is critical that they understand that being an armchair critic is of little value.

Activism implies feet-on-the-ground work. It implies dedicating time for research to understand an issue in depth. It implies feeling the true human ramifications of a problem rather than mouthing platitudes. It implies organising oneself, then your friends and your community. It implies putting your heart and soul in what you do to be sincere. It implies a whole lot more than just a post or a Tweet, which are supplementary at best.

This is not to suggest that online spreading of information is not a vital part of modern activism. Instant access to facts on the ground has tremendous potential. Information wars now occur outside the mainstream TV and radio media, and it is important that counter arguments are presented to propaganda that is proliferated online. Just in this recent Gaza conflict, for example, Israel army reservists actively took part in an online Hasbara campaign (translated as 'explaining' but in reality just pure propaganda) to effectively sell their war. This sort of deliberate misinformation has to be responded to.

But activism should not end there. It is healthy to be dedicated towards a cause beyond oneself. But try and emphasize the 'active' in activism and get off the keyboard once in a while. Not only does it save yourself from being a seasonal hypocrite but you will find yourself so much more effective at what you do. Listen to some lecture, organise an event, collect some donations, talk to your community...just put some power behind the words you type. And I say this to myself before others.

Let the Grudge go

Any advice of a moral nature should be internalised by the adviser first, else it may become hypocrisy. With that proviso, and the intention that I seek to remind myself first before the one ahead of me, I give the following few points.

Quite a few of you may already be familiar with this well-known hadith regarding the merit of daily forgiveness. It bears repetition:

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) was sitting with a group of the Sahabah (ra) in the mosque and he said “A man will now enter [who is] from the people of Paradise.” and a sahabi (companion) walked in. Later it happened again, and then a third time. ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘aas (ra) wanted to find out what was so special about this man, so he asked the man if he could stay over his house for 3 days. The man allowed him to stay. 

Abdullah noticed that the man didn’t do anything out of the ordinary: He didn’t fast all the time, he slept some of the night and prayed some of the night, and so on. So after the 3 days, ‘Abdullah told him the real reason why he requested to stay with him, and he asked him what it was that could be the reason why he was from the people of Jannah. 

The man (ra) couldn’t think of anything, but after a bit he said “Every night, before I go to sleep, I forgive whoever has wronged me. I remove any bad feelings towards anyone from my heart.” (Kitab al-Zuhd by Ibn al-Mubarak – Number 694) 

Let the last line sink in for a minute. Beyond even forgiveness, what can set an otherwise unremarkable individual on the path to Paradise is the simple recognition that the heart must be clear of any ill will towards others. On paper, this sounds rather simple, Who would seek to intentionally cultivate feelings of negativity towards another soul? Yet this ideal is rarer than gold.

A common affliction of today has become the grudge. A grudge is a nurtured feeling of resentment or hostility towards another, more of a longstanding emotion rather than a momentary spike. The reasons for the emotion can be varied depending on the circumstances of our lives, and the feeling of negativity can be justifiable or irrational.

Human beings nowadays are especially prickly by nature. With our enlarged egos and bloated sense of self-importance, it doesn't take more than a minor transgression to offend us personally. Many times we let the ashes of these emotions reside inside us, and often derive a bit of comfort from the warmth of our smoldering anger. This shouldn't be confused with righteous indignation, which isn't personal and can be justified on occasion based on moral principle.

Grudges respond to our more baser instincts. We can feel vindicated by feeling either the poor victim or the moral superior. But in the end, grudges gnaw at our beings, eat us slowly inside, and compromise our ability to be truly compassionate to others. No matter how far developed we think our spiritual status may be, or how clean we think our hearts are, grudges will hold us back. More intense grudges that last years can even be a cause of physical and psychological trauma. And of course, grudges can weaken or end relationships with those whom we should be closer to.

With this in mind, I am just proposing the following tidbits of advice on how to deal with grudges, with the ultimate objective of letting the grudges weaken, wither and disappear, so we can breathe a much lighter breath.

Don't let a grievance become a grudge. Many times, grudges begin from some perceived grievance, which may well be legitimate. As the aggrieved party, the onus is on us on how to respond to avoid a problem becoming a bigger one. If we take a passive-aggressive route, we can sidestep the real issue and allow the feelings to fester inside of us, gradually becoming a grudge which is hard to remove. We can either directly voice our grievance in the hope of resolving the problem, preferably sooner rather than later. Or, if that would be ineffective, and there may be nothing we can do at this point to resolve the matter, better to internally forgive and more on with life.

Identify if you have a grudge. Oftentimes, we may not be fully aware that we possess a grudge. It may be buried under a host of other emotional issues, and neatly hidden behind polite discourse and social protocol. A good way to identify a grudge is to check if the visage of the grudgee elicits some sort of visceral response.  My friend Hakim Archuletta pointed out that emotions are not just mental abstracts but things we experience as somatic (bodily) sensations. So does the mere thought of the person trigger some bothersome feeling in our chest, or stomach, or elsewhere? That may be a clue that we are burying something deep.

Disassociate the person from the action.  This may not be easy, but it may be necessary. Humans are error-prone and often we set unrealistic expectations for others. But even if an otherwise good persons does actions which fall far from the mark, we should be able to isolate our distaste for the action and not define the person solely based on that. Rather than sitting in high judgement of the whole individual, perhaps it may be worthwhile to condemn the action while counterbalancing our assessment with some of the person's more positive traits.

Look Inward. We can take a leaf from the moral wisdom of 'He that is without sin among you, cast the first stone'. Haven't there been times when we bungled a situation, and wished that others would cut us some slack? And is our grudge truly for the reason we claim it is, or are there other underlying emotions of envy and pride that have crept in? We should never underestimate our power at self-deception.

Is it worth it? What price do we pay by allowing the grudge to metastasize inside of us? Do we end up pouring a lot of emotional energy into an issue of little significance? Do we end up granting a sort of victory to someone that annoys us, by being so utterly consumed in thought over him or her? Can the grudge effectively destroy a relationship that is supposed to be sacred? Is all this worth the psychological satisfaction of maintaining the grudge? We need to see the forest for the trees.

Have a Big Heart. Don't be pretty, be magnanimous. Cast aside the little issues, and open a space in your heart for others. Life is short enough as it is to be dedicated to personality clashes and squabbles. Work on exercising your muscles of mercy every now and then to ensure you can focus on more important matters.

The Jews, post-Holocaust, had a collective mantra of 'Never to Forgive, Never to Forget'. The idea is that some crimes are unforgivable, which may well be the case. But it made little sense for their next generations to imbibe such a mantra and the coldness behind it. Ultimately, our ability to transcend our grudges depends on our level of forgiveness. We have to recognize that this modern world has the extraordinary ability to inspire dislike in others at the drop of a hat. Moral equivalents of speeding tickets suddenly become unpardonable offenses. We can't take our relationships for granted like that.

To be the better person, we have to let the grudge go.